GDPR and The Great Privacy Policy Update of 2018

So we've all seen these goddamned privacy policy bullshit emails recently.

For those of you that live under a rock these are all because of some new European legislation (yawn) called GDPR which stands for God Damned Privacy Rules or some such nonsense. Nobody likes them but they're law..


So listen up data nerds here's what you need to know when you're planning on funging around with someone's data:

The rules apply when you collect, store or use personal data

Thanks Captain Obvious!

There's one set of rules for all EU countries

And in the darkness bind them.

Right to know who is processing, what and why

Sure, why not

Right to access your data

So you can reminisce about all of the crap you've vomited onto Facebook over the years.

Right to object

Sadly doesn't work on all those goddamn privacy policy emails though

Right to correct data

Yep. Sharpen your pencils nerds!

Right to have data deleted and forgotten

Bye bye 2am tweets!

Right to have a say when a decision is made about your data by an algorithm

Here's how that will work:

Computer: nope
Human: Glances at spreadsheet It's still a no.

Right to move your data

The official example for this one is, get this, when you change electricity supplier you can pass your electricity usage data to your new supplier. Bet they can't wait to read that!

So there you go. Now you know why you have to make all of these super urgent crappy database queries at work. I've got go now because I've just received another important privacy policy update I need to read /sarcasm/.


Show Comments